<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I Hope You Can Hear Me... by Straightintheballs28</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970024">I Hope You Can Hear Me...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straightintheballs28/pseuds/Straightintheballs28'>Straightintheballs28</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Related, F/M, I don't know, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, but i mean did you see the finale, i just wanted to write a one-shot because this show broke my DeanCas heart, kinda canon compliant?, might feel rushed, post 15x20 fix-it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:02:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,547</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29970024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straightintheballs28/pseuds/Straightintheballs28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is dead and Dean is trying to keep it together and failing terribly. That's about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Hope You Can Hear Me...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i'm not really a good writer but i wanted to do something or else i would've gone crazy. So yeah. enjoy! (also the entire prayer is inspired from something i saw on twitter but i lost the tweet somewhere, so if anyone knows, please inform me of the persons account so i can give credit)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been two months since the incident… Dean has been handling it pretty well, surprisingly. On the surface at least. They never really stopped with the hunting life, not even for a week. </p><p> </p><p>This was another one of those hunts. They went undercover. They killed some monsters. They went grocery shopping on their way home. You know, the usual. Sam comes out of the store with grocery bags almost flooding from his hands as Dean looks out at him from inside the car, the confusion clear on his face. “What, did you buy the whole store?” Dean asks, sarcastically, as Sam puts the bags in the back seat. “Uh yea- no, I mean no, I just bought a couple of extra things…” Sam answers. “Yeah? Like what?” Dean asks as he bites into the burrito in his hand. “um, nothing- nothing much. Just some champagne and decorations and, just other stuff.” Sam’s voice sounds almost… nervous? “…why?” Dean asks as he eyes Sam warily. Sam settles in the front seat. </p><p> </p><p>Dean looks at his brother beside him, happy yet jittery. Eyes filled with a nervous giddiness. “What’s up, Sammy?” Dean inquires as he puts the last bit of burrito in his mouth. “uhm…” Sam looks away as he smiles and reaches into his pocket to take out a small, red, velvety-looking box. He opens it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. “ I’m going to ask Eileen to marry me… tonight. I invited everyone, Jody, Donna and the girls, Bobby, Charlie, the whole gang.” Sam looks back up, just to see Dean with a big, dumb grin on his face. “I knew you were gonna do it sooner or later!” The excitement is clear in Dean’s voice, “Ya know, gotta tell you Sammy, she can do so much better.” Dean says teasingly. Sam rolls his eyes with a chuckle. “But  seriously, I’m proud of you Sam. You deserve this.” Dean states with genuine sincerity. “Thanks man.” Sam says with a huge, hopeful smile on his face. </p><p>***</p><p>Night Falls, the party happens, Sam proposes, Eileen says yes. And obviously everyone is celebrating. Dean looks over at Sam and Eileen, sitting in a corner, whispering and laughing, and for the first time in a long time¸ Dean feels happy. He is over the moon for his brother, he really is. But as he longingly glances at the happy couple, something inside him twitches. He feels something missing inside him. He feels hollow,  as if a part of him was ripped right out.</p><p> </p><p>Soon Sam notices this despairing emptiness in Dean’s eyes. He has been noticing it for a while now. He recognizes it. Sam knows very well what losing the love of your life feels like. But for Dean, it’s different. Dean has seen Cas die so many times, and every time Dean lost a part of himself. And somehow, Cas always found his way back. But this time… this time it feels different. It feels like the finality of the fact that Cas won’t return to him this time is crashing down on him, all at once. Like he has accepted the fact that Cas is not gonna come back. Or at least that's what it looks like. But Sam knows better. Sam knows that there is nothing that can stop Dean from trying to get Cas back. </p><p> </p><p>The last time Dean had talked about everything that happened, was on that unfortunate day when Sam found his brother on the floor of room 7B, sobbing and praying for his angel to come back, trying to convince himself that this is all just a bad dream, and that he would wake up in front of the TV with Cas right there beside him. He confessed his love for the angel, but it was already too late. Something broke inside Dean that day, something that can never be fixed. Sam never brought it up ever since, and neither did Dean. But it was written in his eyes, as clear as the sky... Dean Winchester was gone. Just a living corpse, filled with endless nothingness.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone notices the changes in Dean, but no one speaks up. He’s not the person he once used to be. Those beautiful green eyes don’t shine like they used to. That endearing child-like nature is replaced by the face of an exhausted old man who hasn’t seen sleep in weeks. When he is a part of the crowd it’s like he gets lost. Floating about in abyss. Endlessly sinking in the bottomless pit of despair. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>As the night comes to an end and the people start leaving, the halls of the bunker are filled with a deafening silence. Sam calls out for Dean as he walks back into the room, but he gets no response. Suddenly he hears a soft sniffling sound coming from a dark corner of the hall. Sam walks out to find his brother on the ground with his head buried in his hands, sobbing and gasping, body shaking with every breath. It breaks Sam’s heart as he is reminded of the state his brother was in on that ill-fated day. Sam walks up to Dean, kneeling beside him in silence, waiting for him to say something.</p><p> </p><p>Several moments later, Dean stops sobbing to take a long, deep breath. Dean silently stares up at the blank white wall in front of him, with his head leaning against the door behind him. As he wipes his tear stained cheeks, he suddenly speaks up, “ He’s gone, Sammy. He told me he loved me and then he was just- he was just gone. He never even gave me a chance to say anything.” Dean’s eyes start filling up with tears again as he continues, “ That dumb son of a bitch didn’t even give me chance!” Dean manages to get one last sentence out before he breaks into tears again. Sam remains quiet, which Dean is thankful for. After a couple of moments of just sitting in silence, both of them head to their rooms. Dean walks into his room to find miracle, asleep next to his bed.</p><p> </p><p>Dean stares up at the ceiling, taking a sharp breath, deciding on the words he’s going to say, debating whether he should even do this in the first place. He sits up and settles on the edge of the bed with his hands joined together. He begins, “ Castiel? Cas… hey buddy, I hope you can hear me. It’s Thursday again. Time flies doesn’t it? I’ve lost count of how many Thursdays it’s been since you… since I let you go. I miss you, Cas. We all do. Life is pretty slow right now. As ordinary as our life could get, I guess. Me and Sammy are still hunting. It keeps me connected to him, keeps me grounded, and if i'm being honest, it's the only thing keeping me sane. I need to stay sane Cas, if I want to do this thing right. You know, Sam thinks I should try to move on from everything. From you. But I never stopped looking, and I won’t stop until I find a way to get you back. Because I know I will find a way. I know this isn’t the end. It can’t be. Not like this Cas… Sam and I have stopped fighting over it. He’s still worried about me, thinks I’m eventually gonna  snap. He doesn’t say anything about it anymore though, he understands how important this is to me. But damn it Cas, the sorrow in his eyes every time he looks at me? It kills me man. So I need to do this, for all of us. I need to do this for you, and I need to do it for myself. This is all my fault Cas, and I’m going to own up to my stupid damn mistakes and make things right. I can’t sleep anymore Cas. All I can do is think about the ways I’ve failed you. How I should have protected you. How I should have told you… But I’ve failed you Cas. So now I’m going to fix everything, for both of us. Just, please… hang in there. For me. I guess there’s nothing left to say. Me and Sam have picked up a new case. A vampire nest needs to be cleaned out, nothing we can’t take on by ourselves. I was actually thinking of taking a break so maybe this'll be the last case I take on for a while, but who knows... Once we’re done, I’ll carry on with looking for a way out. I think I  almost got it Cas, I think I’m really close to getting you back to me. For the first time in god knows how long, I’m starting to feel hopeful again. So yeah… I guess that’s all. Just hang on until I find a way, okay? I miss you. And I love you too, don’t ever forget that. I can’t wait to say that to your face… I’ll talk to you soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean lays down in silence and closes his eyes to try and fall asleep.</p><p> </p><p>And suddenly, a voice echoing everywhere, filling every empty space in the universe, so loud and so clear that even the dead shiver… Castiel Is Saved.</p><p> </p><p>THE END.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>